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Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Lonliness




I have come to realize that I am terrible at communication. I used to be a socialite and never had trouble meeting people or making friends, but now that I'm older and single its a bit more difficult. I moved out of state a few years ago and as soon as I moved I got into a relationship. 5 years later I see that I was so wrapped up in my relationship that I hadn't taken the time or effort to meet people. Now that I'm single, that is the main thing I have been trying to do. I feel like a hermit because I work at nite and take online classes, so I don't see many people on a regular basis. I decided to do the online dating thing, and put my headline as simply looking to meet new people, but that hasn't turned out so well. Either I meet people who want to start a romantic relationship or I meet people and after we talk for a while it fizzles out and I never hear from them again. It is hard for me to communicate because I lack a verbal filter and have a tendency to just speak my mind and that isn't always the best idea. I have trouble converting my thoughts into meaningful words. I feel like I talk all the time but never really say anything, or at least I don't say what I want to say. And the online dating sites only allow me the option to meet men, because I don't want to look for female friends on a dating site; I wouldn't want there to be any confusion as to my intentions lol! I would like to find friends in general, but I think I need a female close friend in my life. My best friend passed away the day before Thanksgiving last year and I didn't even really get to talk to her much since I had moved away. I miss having that bond with someone else, where you can just talk about whatever without fear of judgement. I get very upset when I feel like people aren't responding to me, and I think that is a main reason that I have communication problems. I get upset or angry and that's when I try to communicate the most; and when I say the meanest and most hurtful things. I just don't understand people anymore. I thought I used to, but either times have changed or I have Or perhaps both. I value connections with other people and it seems like the majority of people out there don't. I just don't understand that.

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