so i started this blog in order to have a place to express my feelings, andi haven't been doing much of that lately! well, now is the time! i really need to loose some weight, and i'm hoping that writing about it on a regular basis will help me keep myself in check.
i've always been a muffin-top girl, even as far back as second grade i felt fat. my parents divorced when i was very young and one of my father's reasons for leaving my mother was because she had gotten fat. after they split, i'd still spend every other weekend with my father. one day when mom was helping me get ready for my weekend with dad, she told me when i saw him to tell him that i was fat, and to ask if he would quit loving me because of it too. i was only 6 years old! you would think that something like that would steer me clear of the path of obesity, but you would be wrong. all through school up until graduation, i always felt different from everyone else. i wouldn't do a lot of social things because i was simply ashamed of myself and embarrased about my looks. not only did i have a weight struggle, but i also have bad skin. and in high school, looks were everything. now that i look at my senior photo i realize that i was pretty darn cute in school, perhaps even pretty. and what i wouldn't give to be the same size now as i was back then!
now it's 9 years later and i still continue to struggle with my weight and overall body image. about 4 years ago i was at my heaviest weight. around that time i moved and was pleasantly suprised when i began to loose weight, perhaps about 20 lbs in total. then it slowly crept back on, and this time i was determined to do something about it. i started exercising at the fitness center within my apartment complex and lost 40 lbs! i was the smallest that i had ever been in my adult life and i loved it! well, i moved out of those apartments and didn't get into another workout routine and the weight just came right back on. now that i have acces to a couple of fitness machines, i'm not able to use them. for about 2 weeks i was using a stair climber and a treadmill as my exercise and it was going ok. not long after i started, my knee started hurting when i was exercising. and then my ankle would hurt sometimes, probably because i injured it last year and couldn't afford the physical therapy to make it stronger. so that routine is out. at home i have an ab-lounge and a couple of 5lb dumbells that i use, but i just don't feel like it's doing anything for me. it doesn't take me more than 10 minutes-if that-to complete my current roitine and i know that i need to add something to it.
and then there is the food situation...i think i've allowed myself to become addicted to food. it sounds ridiculous, but i really think it's true! i've never really been on a strict diet, but i would watch how much sweets and things i would eat. now, it's like i get the thought to eat something, and i go do it. just like that, with no second thought on the matter. i have to fix that. i really hope that writing about it will help me keep my focus and help re-train my mind on the way it thinks of food. plus, if i eat less, my stomach has to shrink, right? ahh...we'll see how this goes...
i've always been a muffin-top girl, even as far back as second grade i felt fat. my parents divorced when i was very young and one of my father's reasons for leaving my mother was because she had gotten fat. after they split, i'd still spend every other weekend with my father. one day when mom was helping me get ready for my weekend with dad, she told me when i saw him to tell him that i was fat, and to ask if he would quit loving me because of it too. i was only 6 years old! you would think that something like that would steer me clear of the path of obesity, but you would be wrong. all through school up until graduation, i always felt different from everyone else. i wouldn't do a lot of social things because i was simply ashamed of myself and embarrased about my looks. not only did i have a weight struggle, but i also have bad skin. and in high school, looks were everything. now that i look at my senior photo i realize that i was pretty darn cute in school, perhaps even pretty. and what i wouldn't give to be the same size now as i was back then!
now it's 9 years later and i still continue to struggle with my weight and overall body image. about 4 years ago i was at my heaviest weight. around that time i moved and was pleasantly suprised when i began to loose weight, perhaps about 20 lbs in total. then it slowly crept back on, and this time i was determined to do something about it. i started exercising at the fitness center within my apartment complex and lost 40 lbs! i was the smallest that i had ever been in my adult life and i loved it! well, i moved out of those apartments and didn't get into another workout routine and the weight just came right back on. now that i have acces to a couple of fitness machines, i'm not able to use them. for about 2 weeks i was using a stair climber and a treadmill as my exercise and it was going ok. not long after i started, my knee started hurting when i was exercising. and then my ankle would hurt sometimes, probably because i injured it last year and couldn't afford the physical therapy to make it stronger. so that routine is out. at home i have an ab-lounge and a couple of 5lb dumbells that i use, but i just don't feel like it's doing anything for me. it doesn't take me more than 10 minutes-if that-to complete my current roitine and i know that i need to add something to it.
and then there is the food situation...i think i've allowed myself to become addicted to food. it sounds ridiculous, but i really think it's true! i've never really been on a strict diet, but i would watch how much sweets and things i would eat. now, it's like i get the thought to eat something, and i go do it. just like that, with no second thought on the matter. i have to fix that. i really hope that writing about it will help me keep my focus and help re-train my mind on the way it thinks of food. plus, if i eat less, my stomach has to shrink, right? ahh...we'll see how this goes...
