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Friday, August 5, 2011

Life is good


Chops is doing well! :) She was recently diagnosed with a mass cell tumor and had it removed. The surgery went well and the vet said that it looks like he got it all, although I will need to keep an extra eye on her from now on. I was told that boxers commonly get skin cancer, and that most of them tolerate it well. Chops is a mix, and we think she is a pitt bull/boxer mix. She definitely has the pitt tail, I can tell you that for sure! She will just about knock you down when she is happy and wagging her tail - which is most of the time! She is taking antibiotics to keep the risk of infection down, and so far her incision site looks really good!

Well, A Perfect Circle was beyond amazing! It has been 2 weeks since the show and just as I was calming down from that awesomeness I hear that Soundgarden is touring! Tickets went on sale this morning and I was lucky enough to snag a pair. 14 years is a long time, I cant even imagine how many people have been waiting for this tour! I'm still working on uploading my photos and videos from APC, and will get them posted soon. I kept getting scolded by the ushers or "security" or whatever because I got busted taking videos with my phone. Even just a few seconds of video is plenty to eternally refresh my memory of the show :)

I have been passing resumes out like candy this week! I am happy for blessings in disguise. I may not have a job at the moment, but at least I know that I won't have to work overnight anymore, I'm happy about that!

School is going better than expected. Summer classes are over next week and then I only have a week break before the fall semester begins. I am spending my Friday evening studying algebra, what fun! Math has never been my strong point and I am taking an assessment test in the morning that I'm hoping will produce a college-level algebra result. I have taken the assessment once and didn't get that far, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed this time. I need to get this done and over with so that I can sign up for my last class and work towards finishing my degree. Healthcare statistics sounds scary all on its own; I should be happy to be studying algebra instead right now!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Lonliness




I have come to realize that I am terrible at communication. I used to be a socialite and never had trouble meeting people or making friends, but now that I'm older and single its a bit more difficult. I moved out of state a few years ago and as soon as I moved I got into a relationship. 5 years later I see that I was so wrapped up in my relationship that I hadn't taken the time or effort to meet people. Now that I'm single, that is the main thing I have been trying to do. I feel like a hermit because I work at nite and take online classes, so I don't see many people on a regular basis. I decided to do the online dating thing, and put my headline as simply looking to meet new people, but that hasn't turned out so well. Either I meet people who want to start a romantic relationship or I meet people and after we talk for a while it fizzles out and I never hear from them again. It is hard for me to communicate because I lack a verbal filter and have a tendency to just speak my mind and that isn't always the best idea. I have trouble converting my thoughts into meaningful words. I feel like I talk all the time but never really say anything, or at least I don't say what I want to say. And the online dating sites only allow me the option to meet men, because I don't want to look for female friends on a dating site; I wouldn't want there to be any confusion as to my intentions lol! I would like to find friends in general, but I think I need a female close friend in my life. My best friend passed away the day before Thanksgiving last year and I didn't even really get to talk to her much since I had moved away. I miss having that bond with someone else, where you can just talk about whatever without fear of judgement. I get very upset when I feel like people aren't responding to me, and I think that is a main reason that I have communication problems. I get upset or angry and that's when I try to communicate the most; and when I say the meanest and most hurtful things. I just don't understand people anymore. I thought I used to, but either times have changed or I have Or perhaps both. I value connections with other people and it seems like the majority of people out there don't. I just don't understand that.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Finally doing this - for me.

It has been a long time since I have posted anything on here, and shame on me. I started this blog a few years ago so that I could have a place to freely express my thoughts and feelings, but over time I have deleted the majority of my posts for various reasons. I don't intend to make this a diary yet I do intend to use this as a tool to help me deal with life's curve balls. I like to write my thoughts down because it allows me to get everything out without being interrupted and I don't have to worry about translating my thoughts into complete sentences and all that jazz.

So, life is good. Crazy, but good. I finished my medical coding and billing program and I am still working towards my degree. Only taking a couple classes over the summer, it should be a much needed break. One of the classes I am taking is a fitness course, so I am happy about that. I have been wanting to get in better shape and drop a few pounds for a while now and this should be the kick in the ass that I need. I just discovered an app that allows me to track my weight loss and fitness goals, and also another that helps me monitor how many cigarettes I am smoking. These have already been an awesome addition to my plan, and I have found that it helps to plan out my workouts and set a reminder. That way I can't use the "I forgot" excuse.

The plan is to get away from this:


And get a little closer to this:



Things at work, are, well its work what can I say. I've been at my job long enough to feel comfortable about the stability it offers which is something I was lacking in the automotive industry. I have recently updated my resume and plan to pass that out towards the end of the summer. I am all set to take my coding certification test, although I'm terrified to do so! You have to have an extremely high score to pass and its pretty costly, so I want to be sure that I'm ready. My doggies are my world, I love them to death! Scooter is doing well a year after his second TPLO surgery, and the other two like to join him in lounging around the house on these hot summer days :)

The romantic situation is the complicated one; isn't it always! I met a few people from a dating site a while ago but those all turned out to be duds. While I was on vacation I met, er, reconnected with someone. I feel like I connected with this person on such a powerful level that it would be foolish of me not to explore this opportunity. I have never felt like that before, magnetic almost perfectly describes my attraction to this man. That meeting has altered the course of the past few months for me, and I hate that I allow external factors to inhibit my happiness. It is odd how someone who makes you so happy can also make you sad at the same time. I am happy with hope, the possibility of something, yet saddened by the realization that I'm just not lucky in love. I did find this quote that made me think long and hard about my romantic situation “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”. I still feel something there, so I'm not letting go just yet. My heart and brain have been arguing about this; how do you know when to let go? On top of that, I have a friend who wants to take things to the next level, but I'm just not on that same level and I don't know how to make myself any clearer without being downright mean. I don't want to be the bad guy, and I'm trying so hard not to be but I'm not sure that its working.



At least I'm going to see A Perfect Circle next month, finally! I have waited a very long time for this show! I had to wait 8 years before I finally got the chance to see Tool live, and I told myself that I wouldn't see APC until I had seen Tool. So now it is almost time for the show! I have never seen Billy Howerdel perform live so I am pretty amped! I was looking forward to seeing Ashes Divide a couple years ago but they called off the show at the last minute. The show will be near the end of my summer semester - what a perfect way to celebrate!