Lonliness

I have come to realize that I am terrible at communication. I used to be a socialite and never had trouble meeting people or making friends, but now that I'm older and single its a bit more difficult. I moved out of state a few years ago and as soon as I moved I got into a relationship. 5 years later I see that I was so wrapped up in my relationship that I hadn't taken the time or effort to meet people. Now that I'm single, that is the main thing I have been trying to do. I feel like a hermit because I work at nite and take online classes, so I don't see many people on a regular basis. I decided to do the online dating thing, and put my headline as simply looking to meet new people, but that hasn't turned out so well. Either I meet people who want to start a romantic relationship or I meet people and after we talk for a while it fizzles out and I never hear from them again. It is hard for me to communicate because I lack a verbal filter and have a tendency to just speak my mind and that isn't always the best idea. I have trouble converting my thoughts into meaningful words. I feel like I talk all the time but never really say anything, or at least I don't say what I want to say. And the online dating sites only allow me the option to meet men, because I don't want to look for female friends on a dating site; I wouldn't want there to be any confusion as to my intentions lol! I would like to find friends in general, but I think I need a female close friend in my life. My best friend passed away the day before Thanksgiving last year and I didn't even really get to talk to her much since I had moved away. I miss having that bond with someone else, where you can just talk about whatever without fear of judgement. I get very upset when I feel like people aren't responding to me, and I think that is a main reason that I have communication problems. I get upset or angry and that's when I try to communicate the most; and when I say the meanest and most hurtful things. I just don't understand people anymore. I thought I used to, but either times have changed or I have Or perhaps both. I value connections with other people and it seems like the majority of people out there don't. I just don't understand that.

Finally doing this - for me.

It has been a long time since I have posted anything on here, and shame on me. I started this blog a few years ago so that I could have a place to freely express my thoughts and feelings, but over time I have deleted the majority of my posts for various reasons. I don't intend to make this a diary yet I do intend to use this as a tool to help me deal with life's curve balls. I like to write my thoughts down because it allows me to get everything out without being interrupted and I don't have to worry about translating my thoughts into complete sentences and all that jazz.

So, life is good. Crazy, but good. I finished my medical coding and billing program and I am still working towards my degree. Only taking a couple classes over the summer, it should be a much needed break. One of the classes I am taking is a fitness course, so I am happy about that. I have been wanting to get in better shape and drop a few pounds for a while now and this should be the kick in the ass that I need. I just discovered an app that allows me to track my weight loss and fitness goals, and also another that helps me monitor how many cigarettes I am smoking. These have already been an awesome addition to my plan, and I have found that it helps to plan out my workouts and set a reminder. That way I can't use the "I forgot" excuse.

The plan is to get away from this:


And get a little closer to this:



Things at work, are, well its work what can I say. I've been at my job long enough to feel comfortable about the stability it offers which is something I was lacking in the automotive industry. I have recently updated my resume and plan to pass that out towards the end of the summer. I am all set to take my coding certification test, although I'm terrified to do so! You have to have an extremely high score to pass and its pretty costly, so I want to be sure that I'm ready. My doggies are my world, I love them to death! Scooter is doing well a year after his second TPLO surgery, and the other two like to join him in lounging around the house on these hot summer days :)

The romantic situation is the complicated one; isn't it always! I met a few people from a dating site a while ago but those all turned out to be duds. While I was on vacation I met, er, reconnected with someone. I feel like I connected with this person on such a powerful level that it would be foolish of me not to explore this opportunity. I have never felt like that before, magnetic almost perfectly describes my attraction to this man. That meeting has altered the course of the past few months for me, and I hate that I allow external factors to inhibit my happiness. It is odd how someone who makes you so happy can also make you sad at the same time. I am happy with hope, the possibility of something, yet saddened by the realization that I'm just not lucky in love. I did find this quote that made me think long and hard about my romantic situation “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”. I still feel something there, so I'm not letting go just yet. My heart and brain have been arguing about this; how do you know when to let go? On top of that, I have a friend who wants to take things to the next level, but I'm just not on that same level and I don't know how to make myself any clearer without being downright mean. I don't want to be the bad guy, and I'm trying so hard not to be but I'm not sure that its working.



At least I'm going to see A Perfect Circle next month, finally! I have waited a very long time for this show! I had to wait 8 years before I finally got the chance to see Tool live, and I told myself that I wouldn't see APC until I had seen Tool. So now it is almost time for the show! I have never seen Billy Howerdel perform live so I am pretty amped! I was looking forward to seeing Ashes Divide a couple years ago but they called off the show at the last minute. The show will be near the end of my summer semester - what a perfect way to celebrate!

Adam Monroe

I randomly stumbled upon this guy's talent & passion and I am so glad that I did!

Busted!

Apparently I fell asleep texting the other day, and someone thought it would be funny to snap a photo. The best photos are the ones that are taken when you have no idea, such as this one. It was a true wake up call because I learned that 1) my exercise routine has been working, but not enough yet and 2) I need to pick better outfits for sleeping if people are going to be photographing me :~)

Love Remains

Dear Best Friend,

I love you more daily. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.
I wish you could love yourself the way I love you.
Above all, I wish your life is everything you deserve, because you deserve the world.
I will stand by you forever, my heart will always belong to you.


♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Aries & Sex

I came across this article and felt compelled to share!

"Aries is simple when it comes to sex. They want to rule their partners. They want to dominate. And when it comes to talking dirty, that's exactly how to play things with the Ram. Four letter words are a-okay, so long as they're describing what your Aries can do to you. No need to be faint-hearted here. As with all things in life, the motto for the Ram is bring it on. (Sample: "Four letter word me… I love the way you four letter word me... I can't stop thinking of how hot it is when you grab me and throw me down and… well… four letter word me." Yes, the four letter word here starts with an "f" and yes, you get the point.)"



Really? *Interesting ;-)

Well my motto has been bring it on recently...

Point A to Point B

I'm feeling a bit closer to miss piggy right now at point A....



But hopefully in the near future I'll be feeling more like booty shorts girl at point B!




Because you know what they say...

Crunch Time

Ahh, so it's still crunch time. So far I've been doing pretty good, but I know that pizza for dinner wasn't the best idea! I need to start getting myself on a schedule so I have time to make a healthy dinner and lunch to take to work. I've been using the elliptical for 20 minutes a day and I alternate days strengthening my arms and legs. My main goal is to be physically fit, and of course in order to achieve that I will reach my secondary goals of weight loss and slimming my middle section. It seems so hard to get in the routine, but I know that once I do things will seem a bit easier from. Routine is good, as long as you switch it up once in a while! A few years ago I did awesome, I lost a lot of weight and was exercising regularly. Now I'm shooting for the same thing, except I want to also keep a closer eye on the foods that I eat.

But let's face it, I want to be hotter than I am now. I mean, who doesn't? That's a big factor for me. Damn I'd like to wear that contraption that the girl from Party Of Five is wearing and look good in it! Right now, I would look ridiculous!


My problem is that I have a tendency to agree with this cat's fitness views! Let's get moving kitty!

Coming Around Full Circle

A Perfect Circle is at it again! I'm so excited, this is the best news that I've heard in a long time! Finally, I shall have my chance to see APC! I had the opportunity years ago, but I was determined to see TOOL live first. I also got tickets for Ashes Divide but they canceled a few weeks before the show and it wasn't rescheduled. Here is my chance to see the genius creative pair that is Maynard & Billy!!

Coming Around Full Circle - Click To Read Article & Watch Videos!

The Farmers Market Mushroom

This morning I went to the local farmers market and was surprised at how many vendors were there! I just recently discovered the whole farmers market concept and went to my first one last week and it was great! Last time I came home with some strawberries, zucchini, squash, green beans, and red potatoes. This week I decided on a lone mushroom. Before I decided on that particular one, my curiosity got the best of me. I saw some mushrooms that looked unfamiliar to me so I asked the vendor what kind they were and if their taste was comparable to any common mushrooms. He told me they were oyster mushrooms. Then he picked a tiny piece off of one of the mushrooms in question and handed it to me to sample.
I ate it and now I am paranoid about the whole ordeal! I am so cautious about washing things before eating them, and also about stranger's bodies and the vast amount of diseases that they could possibly be carrying. It was so unlike me to actually take the unwashed mushroom from some strange old man's fingers; but I didn't want to be rude when he was trying to be considerate and help my curiosity. I know that most of the food that I consume comes in contact with a lot of different people and probably grimy hands, but it is a little different to experience it out in the open as opposed to behind closed doors. I know it's not an incidence that I should really be concerned about, but my mind doesn't want to give it a rest.
On a different note, I am almost finished with this semester! I completed 2 finals yesterday which means I've got 2 classes completed and 2 more to go! It will be nice to take a break from tutoring. I have been going for almost 2 months and although it has helped greatly I will be more than happy to spend my Thursday evenings another way, perhaps relaxing or reading a good book.
Scooter is and has been on my mind a lot recently also. He had a TPLO surgery on his left knee in November of last year and it's time to get his surgery on the right knee. In about a week he will go in for the actual surgery, and although that's a major ordeal for us the aftercare is just as important. He is going to have to be confined to a kennel for the majority of the next couple of months :( I want to go ahead and get it done so that he will hopefully be healed up before the summer ends and he can go outside and enjoy the weather. This week will be full of work, completing final exams, and spending quality time with my Scooter. T. Pooter :)